Choosing To Love For 25 Years

Twenty-five years ago today I slipped into a forest green dress with hand-sewn lace along the neck, sleeves, and hemline. My hair was curled and flowed down my back, stiff as a board thanks to the crazy amount of Aqua Net hairspray used to hold it in place. Those curls weren’t going anywhere! I matched my older sister, Kristen, perfectly. We anxiously peered into the dimly lit church full of friends and family. We stood on either side of our dad, linked hands, and slowly began to walk down the aisle. It was Dad’s wedding day.  

I was 11 and my sister would turn 13 the following month. Dad had been a single parent for 9 years. We were tight-knit, the three of us. There was no doubt about it. Dad sacrificed everything for us, and in turn, he’d become our hero. I have so many fond memories of those years spent together. Dad went out of his way to make life as normal for us as he could. We had our own special traditions and life was good.

The months leading up to the wedding had been a whirlwind. Talk of color schemes, décor, music, cake, and dresses took over our conversations, and thoughts of having a mom floated around in my mind. I didn’t know what to expect but I sure was excited to find out what I’d been missing out on! And here we are, 25 years later. I can’t even believe it!

Have you ever heard the saying, “Love is a Choice”?

I usually think of marriage when I hear this. Looking back to when I was first married, I didn’t fully understand the meaning. Duh, it’s a choice! Well, 11 years in and I can confidently say I get the message loud and clear. Falling in love is easy. Choosing to love someone through thick and thin? Not so easy.

And after 25 years of devoted marriage, I know for certain that my dad and mom have had moments when they’ve chosen to love each other…despite the difficulties, despite the hurt, despite the loss.

Love is a choice and this applies to all types of relationships.

I have the utmost respect for my parents. They make a wonderful pair. From day one I could see how Melody made my dad’s eyes light up. It made me happy seeing how happy he was, and of all the people in the world, he deserved it the most! And for 25 years I’ve watched my dad dote on my mom. They’ve stood side by side through good and bad, highs and lows. I’m grateful for the example they’ve shown me of what true love is.

When I reflect back on that day, September 23, 1995, and the 25 years that have since passed, another kind of love stands out to me.

It’s the love of a woman who chose to love 2 children who weren’t her own.

Love is a choice and unconditional love is a gift.

Melody chose to love me! Nobody twisted her arm and forced her to. Yes, of course, she chose to love my dad when she married him, but that was the easy part. She also chose to love me and my sister.

For years I hurt because my biological mother chose not to love me the way a mother should. But I have learned so much about true, unconditional love by the way Melody, my mom, has loved me for the past 25 years.

She chose to love me when I wasn’t ready to fully love her back. She loved me when I was emotionally incapable of dealing with the deep hurts that began to surface after she moved into our home. She loved me when all hell broke loose when I was in my teens. I struggled for years and she never stopped loving me. She loved me until I gained the capacity to love her back. She loved me when I caused her pain. She chose to love me and I’m forever grateful for her patience as I grew to love her as well.

Love is a choice and it makes a world of difference.

There are people right now who desperately need someone to choose to love them. If you’re a stepparent, an adoptive parent, or working in foster care, thank you for choosing to love.  

Maybe you know someone who you feel doesn’t deserve your love. Maybe they’ve caused you heartache and pain. A spouse. A friend. A family member. A coworker. You can choose to love anyway.

And if that love isn’t immediately reciprocated, you can continue choosing to love, over and over and over again. Love will come back to you one way or another.

And if the love you’re pouring out doesn’t seem to be making a difference, don’t become discouraged. Love heals a multitude of wounds that can’t be seen, and that might take some time. You are making a difference whether you see the results yet or not. Don’t give up!

Love is a choice and everyone needs love.

You can choose to love your grumpy neighbor who complains about your children being too loud and your grass being too long.

You can choose to love the lady who bumps into your grocery cart and scowls at you for merely existing.

You can choose to love the homeless man or woman begging for food on the side of the road.

You can choose to love. Period.

Friends, if love is a choice, then let’s choose to love.  

On this incredibly special day, I’d like to wholeheartedly wish my mom and dad a happy anniversary! I’m a better person because of the love you’ve chosen to lavish on each other, our family, your church family, and myself personally. May the next twenty-five years be even sweeter than the first twenty-five! With all my love…Katie