“So, what are your plans after graduation?”
As a high school or college graduate you have your go-to response memorized by now. I mean, you’ve only been asked the same question a zillion times as your graduation date draws nearer.
It’s such an important question and the answer carries with it so much weight. The answer to this one question is literally life changing! No pressure, right? It’s such a big deal that 18 years after my own high school graduation I still remember my go-to response word for word.
“Well, this summer I’m going on a missions trip to El Salvador! In the fall I’m going to Judson University, a private, Christian college in Elgin, up near Chicago. I’m going to major in Elementary Education.” I had my answer down to a T.
I’d been dreaming of going off to college for what felt like forever and my dream was about to become reality. I’d always loved learning, always loved school, and although growing up I’d constantly wrestled with an extremely low self-esteem, being a student was the one thing I knew I was good at. I was ready!
I’d also dreamed of becoming involved in missions work for several years. My parents and I had spent months raising the funds to make this dream a reality, and everything was falling into place. Things could not have been planned out any better.
The only problem?
I messed it all up. I messed it up BAD!
I’d barely received my diploma and turned my tassel before I got sidetracked and made a choice that would ultimately alter the entire course of my life. Sounds dramatic, huh? Well, it kind of was.
I threw it all away for a relationship I had no business being a part of. I gave up my spot on the missions trip and my parents redistributed all the money we’d worked so hard to raise.
I gave up my dream of moving out and going off to college.
Oh, I moved out, but not at all in the way I’d planned. I packed up all my belongings and left home one night when my parents were gone. They came home to find my bedroom completely empty. No goodbye. Nothing. Imagine that for a minute.
I started selling shoes at a department store in the mall.
I cut myself off from nearly every friend I’d ever known and rarely saw my family for months after that. I turned my back on God and the church, and my life quickly spiraled out of control.
I’d dug myself in a hole and I had no idea how to get out. So what did I do? Basically, anything I could to ignore the pain. The hurt. The shame. The guilt. Sure, I had some good times and I did a great job acting like everything was fine. I was convinced for a while that my new lifestyle would satisfy. It didn’t.
It’d take many more bad decisions for me to finally realize I wasn’t ok with the direction my life was headed. I began to think about those dreams I was so quick to throw away right as I was graduating high school. I wondered if there was any hope for me. Had I done too much damage? Was I too far gone?
I took a baby step in the right direction and enrolled in a couple courses at the community college in town. One semester in and I wound up pregnant.
Again, not in my plan. Again, I was faced with a life-altering decision. Raise this baby as a single mom at 19 or give it a go with Murat, who at the time was (quite frankly) a stranger to me. Sure, we’d worked together for a few months, but we certainly didn’t know enough about each other to make that type of commitment.
He seemed eager enough to be involved in my life and to be a parent, but how was I to know what to do? I decided to give our relationship a shot, and thankfully, after 16 years together and nearly 11 years of marriage, I think it’s safe to say I made the right choice by giving us a chance!
I hurt a lot of people during that time and I made a lot of mistakes. None of which were a part of the plan I had for my life. I wanted to HELP people, not hurt them. I wanted to make my parents proud of me, not be the reason they scratched their heads and probably wondered, “Where did we go wrong?” I wanted to be a success. I had goals. I had dreams!
Long story short: I began to scrape and claw my way out of that massive hole I’d dug for myself. With help, of course. I ate a whopping piece of humble pie and made many apologies. Many. I reconnected with my family. I leaned on old friends who were gracious enough to welcome me back with open arms.
I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl you’ve ever seen, and it turns out she was just the wake up call I needed to get my life together.
I started taking my schooling seriously and 4 years after graduating high school, the year I should’ve been awarded a bachelor’s degree from Judson, I found myself graduating community college with a 2-year-old in tow.
I transferred to a 4-year university and finally fulfilled my dream of becoming a teacher. It didn’t look or feel at all like I’d imagined, but I did it, and I was proud. It’d take me many more years to mend my relationship with God, but I was definitely in a better place overall.
So, here the deal. If you’re a young person who has lost your way and for whatever reason you’ve veered off track, please, just hang in there. You’ve got what it takes to succeed!
I know what it’s like to disappoint yourself and those you love the most. I know what it feels like to fail…over, and over, and over again. I know how hard it is to forgive yourself and to accept forgiveness from God and others when you know full well you don’t deserve it. I know how difficult it is to accept grace and to let go of guilt and shame. I know.
Learn from your mistakes and try again. And again, and again, and again. Try as many times as it takes for you to reach your goals and to see your dreams fulfilled. It’s worth it in the end!
To the new graduate: You have plans! You have dreams! And that’s awesome. Know that you have a whole slew of people rooting you on and we already know you’re going to do great things!
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined.”
Henry David Thoreau
If, however, your plans are shattered by your own blunders, know that there is still hope for you! I pray you never fall as hard as I did, but when you slip up (because like it or not, everyone does at some point), know that you’re not alone. Get back up. It’s going to be ok!
If unfortunate life circumstances completely out of your control ruin your plans (Hello, Rona), remember that life is full of twists and turns. Be flexible, stay positive, and never give up hope.
No matter what stage of life you’re in, here’s the really great news: You don’t have to figure out life all on your own. Whew, what a relief! Your plans may fail, but guess what? That’s not the end of your story!
You can choose to follow the plans that God has for your life, and trust me when I tell you, He can make something beautiful out of your messed up plans and broken dreams. He can fix it all and you will come out stronger on the other side.
Put your life in His hands and follow His lead. He knows what’s best for you and His plans for your life are a million times better than anything you could ever dream up for yourself.
May you find rest and peace in His arms, and if you ever feel lost, cling to this promise found in Jeremiah 29:11~
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”